


Group Therapy

by ilovenaley13



Series: Therapy Series [5]
Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Bipolar Disorder, M/M, Therapy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 00:25:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3401684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovenaley13/pseuds/ilovenaley13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happens when Ian's on the other side of therapy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Group Therapy

Ian stood outside of his therapist office finishing off the last of his cigarette. It had been 2 years since the whole bipolar diagnosis and all in all Ian had to say his life was pretty great. He had found the perfect blend of meds about 7 months ago, he remembered the clarity that had washed over him after just taking the pills for 4 days. It was like he’d been walking around looking through a thick fog. 

Things were still not simple or easy not by a long shot, but at least it didn’t feel like he was dragging from way behind. He had started school, which he had to admit he was loving. He had a job as a waiter at this swanky north side restaurant that made him really good tips so things were looking up. 

Him and Mickey were really happy. Mickey had got a job working as a mechanic for a dealership. The money was decent plus he got benefits so that was a definite plus. Ian had convinced Mickey to take a mechanics course at the junior college, and Mickey had done so well in the class his teacher had hooked him up with the job. They were thinking about getting their own place, nothing fancy just a small apartment enough for the two of them and a place for Yev when he stayed with them. Nothing was for sure, but they had brought up the idea to Svetlana and she hadn’t threatened to kill them so that was promising. 

When his cigarette was at the end he threw it in the street and walked into his therapist building. He smiled at Connie the receptionist, who was helping another client and sat in the corner chair. Dr. Levring walked out 5 minutes later after a blond haired blue eyed guy about Ian’s age. 

“Alright David, ill see you next week.” She said to the blond before turning to Ian.

“Come on in” She gestured to him before walking into his office.

 

“Hey doc, hows your day going. The office seems busy today.” Ian said.

“Yeah its been a crazy day. I had like 3 emergency sessions out of nowhere. I almost called you to cancel, but I wanted to talk to you about something important” She explained with a soft smile. 

This was a first, usually doc would just let Ian lead the sessions. 

"Okay so what's up" he asked curious.

"Well Ian you know that you are doing extremely well." She smiled proudly. 

"Okay do I get a gold star" he joked. 

"Don't be a smart ass, what you've accomplished in the last year is incredible. You work extremely hard and you give so much effort, I'm very proud of you" Dr Leveling says seriously and Ian feels the red rising up his cheeks. He isn't used to compliments. 

"Thanks , does that mean I'm done with therapy" he says half jokingly knowing that isn't a reality for him. 

"Nice try, but no. Bedsides I would miss you too much you're one of my most entertaining patients. 

 

"Well as long as I'm the best then, I'll stick around" he smiled. 

"So back to what I wanted to discuss. Ian I wanted to know if you would lead a group therapy session at the facility." She explained. 

 

"Wait what. You mean at the psych hospital?" Ian asked surprised. 

"Yes, one of the group leaders is moving away and I have a slot open." She continued. 

"I'm confused, I'm in no way qualified for something like that." Ian said. 

"What are you talking about, you are someone who has been their way at the bottom and you clawed your way up into this amazing place. You have a job, you’re going to school, you're in a steady relationship, you're someone who believes in the process and respects therapy and how important it is. I think your leadership and insight at the faculty would be invaluable. Plus they can relate to you because you've been there Ian." She implored. 

 

"Uh but I have a job and school" Ian tried saying. 

"We can work around your schedule, pick a day that you can come up in the morning. I think this would be really good for you and my patients. 

"Can I think about it" Ian asked dazed. 

"Sure go home and talk to Mickey and just let me know by the end of this week." She said. 

 

The rest of the session went back to normal. Ian got home and started dinner. Yevgeny was watching cartoons and Svetlana was out with a few of her friends. Mickey walked in to soft giggles coming from the couch. He put his bag down and walked over to his son. 

"Hey Yevy, everything good today" he asked kissing his sons head. 

"Mmhmm daddy" Yev answered distracted. 

He smiled and walked into the kitchen and watched Ian making dinner while singing a song to himself. 

"Hey" he whispered as he wrapped his arms around Ian's waist. 

"Hi, how was your day" he asked while stirring the spaghetti and meatballs. 

"Long, two idiots didn't show up so I didn't even have a lunch break. Food smells good" Mickey said kissing Ian's neck. 

 

"Well go wash up because it's ready." He turned around and kissed Mickey on the lips before ushering him out. 

"Yevy dinners ready go wash up with daddy" he called out to the 2 year old. 

"Come on killer, let's get cleaned up before Ian gives away our food" Mickey says grabbing Yev and carrying him upside down towards the bathroom. The sound of the giggling toddler could be heard through the house. 

They ate dinner quickly both father and son with identical saucy mouths. 

"I'm done" Yev said pushing his plate. 

"Uh no you have a meatball left" Ian pushed the plate back towards him. 

"But I'm so full, you put too many" Yev argued. 

"Fine don't eat it but then you’re gonna stay short like daddy instead of tall like me" Ian said while reaching for the plate. Yevgeny slapped his hands down onto the plate before Ian could pull it away. He grabbed the meatball with his hands and shoved it into his mouth. 

"Slow down before you choke" Ian warned. The meatball was so big that Yev cheeks were puffed out like a chipmunk. Ian fought back the laughter at the complete character that the toddler was turning into.

"I'm all done, can I watch cartoons now" Yev asked. 

"Before you go come here," Ian picked him up and set him down onto the counter. He grabbed a paper towel and wet it before wiping his face and hands before setting him back down. 

"You have an hour and then it's bath time" Ian called out.

"That kid is something else" Ian said to Mickey. 

"How was your day" Mickey asked. 

“It was fine, same as always” Ian said while going back to his dinner. 

“How was therapy” Mickey asked grabbing more spaghetti.

“Uh actually doc asked me if I wanted to run a group therapy session at the psych ward” Ian explained nervously.

“Oh yeah, that sounds heavy. You sure you’re up for that” Mickey asked. 

“I don’t know, its crazy how am I supposed to help people. I’m a head case, i’m just gonna tell doc no.” Ian said flustered. 

“Fuck off you’re not a head case. And you'd be great at that shit, cuz nobody likes talking more than you” Mickey smirked.

“Fuck you, you love listening to me. So you think I should do it?” He asked Mickey seriously.

“I love you, so I’m stuck with you. But as for the new gig, look I don’t care one way or another. I just want you to be healthy and happy, so who knows if doc thinks its a good move why don’t you just try and if you don’t like it you could always just bow out.” Mickey explained.

 

“Okay, I’ll call her and say okay. Thanks I love you” Ian said kissing Mickey on the lips before walking out of the kitchen. 

 

2 Weeks later and Ian was walking through the doors of the psych ward a nervous wreck. Walking through those glass doors again brought a chill down Ian’s spine he never thought he would want to be back here let alone voluntarily, but here he was. He walked up to the admittance desk and got his guest badge before going through the restricted section. On the other side Dr. Levering was waiting for him with a huge smile. 

“You made it, I half thought you were going to bail” She joked while giving him a welcoming hug. 

 

“You and me both, I got to say doc this feels all kinds of weird.” Ian admitted.

 

“Well come on i’ll introduce you to the group, and don’t worry you’re going to do great” She assured.

 

They walked down the long corridor that was still familiar to Ian, he made sure not to forget his time at the hospital so he wouldn’t ever get back to that place. Once they reached the group therapy room Dr. Levering ushered him in. Their was about 8 people sitting around in a circle, Ian took a nervous breath as Dr. Levering spoke.

 

“Hello everybody, I wanted to introduce you to your new group leader this is Ian.” She introduced. a low collective hello was said to the red head.

“Hi everyone” Ian said back tentatively. Dr. Levering gave him a reassuring pat before saying goodbye and taking her leave. With one more steadying breath Ian walked around to the empty chair and took a seat.

“So why don’t we go around introducing ourselves and that way I can learn all your names” He suggested with a smile.

He waited, but nobody seemed to want to start, so he decided he wood.

“Okay I’ll begin, My name is Ian, I’m 20 years old and I have bipolar disorder” He said and all eyes turned to him shocked. He turned to the person to his right “Now you go” He instructed.

 

“I’m Darius, I’m 16 and I’m manic depressive” The first dark haired boy said quietly.

 

“Welcome Darius, now your turn” He pointed the next girl.

 

“I'm Leah, I’m 18 and I’m schizophrenic” 

They went around the whole circle until everyone introduced themselves and so far Ian hadn’t had a major meltdown so it was going okay.

 

“So I guess I want to start by saying that I want this group to feel like a safe place, where you can share your thoughts fears and worries. I’m new to this whole group leader thing so I promise you were all learning together.” Ian tried to ease.

 

“So why should we listen to you if you don’t even know what you’re doing” The blonde haired boy whose name was Louis fired at him.

 

“Well Louis because I may be new to being a group leader, but I’m not new to group. I was here just like you all are now about 2 years ago, so I get that being in here and sharing your feelings can be terrifying, but it does help.” He explained, and again shocked eyes were all on him.

 

“Wait so you were a patient here like for real” Darius asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, I was here for about 3 weeks” Ian said.

 

“So you're all cured and shit” Lea asked.

 

“No it doesn’t work that way. There is no such thing as a cure, even if we all wish their was. All we can do is work the program, take the meds they prescribe and do the work in therapy” Ian explained as he watched the whole room deflate.

 

“Yeah its just so easy right” Marcus a 20 year old said exasperated. 

“No its not easy, its fucking torture in the beginning at least it was for me. How about you guys, how was your first week here” Ian asked trying to get them to open up.

 

“It felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t breath” Tracy said the oldest in the group at 24.

 

“The smell was worst for me, it made my stomach churn. I threw up 4 days straight” Lea explained.

 

“The roommates was the worst part, my first one was a screamer so if I wasn’t already crazy I would have been after that.

 

“Does anybody want to share how they ended up here” Ian asked trying to get a better understanding of everyone's problems. Except nobody seemed like sharing too much. 

“Uh my parents admitted me, I really had no say” Darius said quietly. 

“Yeah that happens a lot, how long have you been in here” Ian followed up.

“Uh about a month” he answered. “How come you got out so quickly I’ve never heard anyone leave that quick” Darius said clearly frustrated. 

“Honestly everyone's process is different. I really hated being here, but I realized pretty quick that fighting them wasn’t going to get me out of here any faster so I decided I was going to do whatever I needed to get out.” Ian explained.

“So what did you do” Leah asked curious.

“Honestly nothing special I just cooperated. I went to about 3 groups a day and I pretty much poured my guts out to Dr. Levering and believe it or not it really helps. I mean the meds made everything so much easier, but I hadn’t found the right mix while I was here until my last week. That really helped speed up my exit from here” Ian admitted.

“Oh bullshit, you're just trying to sell us the therapy kool aid because thats your job. We all go to therapy” Louis said angry.

 

“Louis just showing up to therapy is one thing really participating that's a whole other thing all together. Being honest with the therapist, with the groups, revealing the ugliest parts of your self, the most paranoid, the shameful things, thats a level of painful and difficult you're not really prepared for until you're in it. But I was determined to get well or as well as I was ever going to be because I had people waiting for me and counting on me, and I couldn’t let them down anymore.” Ian explained.

 

“You’re making it sound simple” Darius said.

“That's the thing it always sounds easier than it is. I’m not trying to sell you on therapy, I’m just telling you what worked for me. At first I couldn’t really say what was going on out loud so I wrote things down. How I was feeling, how much pain I was in, and I would give it to Dr. Levering and then we would talk about what I wrote in our sessions. That really helped because it gave me a starting point.” Ian explained before grabbing his bag from the floor. 

“So I brought all of you each a journal, write in it, draw in it, whatever you want. You can bring it into group and read from it, you can give it to Dr. Levering and work on it together or you never have to share it with anyone. Its just a place where you can be completely honest without judgement.” Ian smiled passing out the journals. 

 

“So how did you end up in here” Leah asked. 

 

“Well I kidnapped my boyfriends kid after he said he was going to take me to the hospital because I was sick. Clearly I didn’t take it well. I didn’t have any plan or supplies and quickly ran out of money. I left the baby alone in the car to try and get some money by having sex with a guy and the cops arrested me for child endangerment.” Ian admitted. 

 

“Wow your gay” Is the only thing Leah said. 

 

“Ha ha I said a lot of stuff just then and the most surprising thing to you is i’m gay” Ian laughed. 

 

“What happened after you got arrested” Darius asked interested.

 

“Well my brother, sister and my boyfriend Mickey came to bail me out and drove me here to the facility where they put me on 72 hour psych hold. But at the end I chose to stay here, because I needed things to change.” Ian finished.

 

“Your lucky, you got yourself under control were all not like you it isn’t always in the cards.” Tracy spoke and everyone around the circle noded their head in agreement. 

 

“I don’t believe in luck, and I sure as hell don’t think that would be a word to describe me or my life. I have 5 brothers and sister’s and guess how many of them are bipolar, not one of them. I grew up in the south side of Chicago, no real parents or none that counted for anything. My neighborhood, its no walk in the park especially for a gay kid, but that was the first hurdle. My dream was to be an officer in the army again being gay and unstable makes that impossible so I had to just let it go. Honestly the only part of my life where I would say I lucked out was meeting my boyfriend and even that was no easy thing we almost killed each other until we finally could be just happy and together. So if you waiting around for luck, you’ll be stuck forever. The only thing you can rely on in life is yourself, to do what you can, the best you can, for as long as you can. And with that last bit of words we are done for today. Thank you for participating and not eating me alive on my first day. I Hope I see all of you next time.” Ian said as everyone started standing up all taking their notebooks.

 

Once the room cleared Ian stood up and started stacking the chairs and putting them in the corner of the room. 

 

“So Mr. Gallagher how did it go” Dr. Levering asked startling Ian.

 

“Well nobody walked out so I guess that's something” Ian said. 

 

“I don’t know I thought you ended the whole thing pretty strong and the notebook thing was really great” She objected.

“You were listening” Ian asked surprised.

“I always monitor my new group leaders, just in case it gets overwhelming or someone loses control of the group. You did so great though, how did it feel” Dr. Levering asked curiously.

 

“I’m not so sure, group is about the patents talking freely. I feel like I was doing all the talking, this is supposed to help them express themselves not the other way around” Ian said. 

 

“First of all their is no right method to group, everyone responds to things differently. But I think you helped them tremendously. Usually they are surrounded my doctors and therapist much older then them, they can’t relate and it makes the opening up process so difficult. But what you said today, how you explained what it was like for you. How difficult and painful it all was that was honest, you didn’t pretend it was all great, you didn’t give them a false sense of the process you told them the truth and that's invaluable. And the journal thing, that was something that was just yours. Id never done that with other patients and honestly when you first gave it to me I didn’t think it was going to be a good thing. I was so wrong, it really changed everything, it made me understand you better, it made you feel more open and now I use it with a lot of my patience in the beginning.” Dr. Levering explained.

 

“Yeah I guess, hopefully it helps some of them the way it helped me” Ian says with an embarrassed smile. 

“So what do you think Ian, you coming back next week” Dr. Levering asked. 

“I’ll be here” Ian assured before saying goodbye and making his way out of the psych hospital.


End file.
